Confessions

23 Confessions (for 23 Years) of Things That I'm Not Sorry About But Probably Should Be

In honor of 23 years of living (and usually surviving), I have a few things about which I want to come clean, to both myself and the world.

1. I'm sorry that I judge you if you use bad grammar or have bad spelling. It makes me think that you were asleep all of 4th grade.

2. I think smoking cigarettes is dirty if you're over the age of 25. I've got two years left to look cool and Euro.

3. I can't help picking at hangnails. Especially when I'm out drinking.

4. I absolutely believe in true love, soul mates, and love at first sight. If you don't, I feel sorry for you.

5. I think the Pacific Ocean is better than the Atlantic.

6. Sometimes, I send Gchats / emails / Facebook messages to boys that I know I really shouldn't be sending, and I'm surprised when they don't respond...

7. Most times, I'd rather look at pictures of myself on my cell phone than look at your online photo album. Have you ever heard of taking a candid?

8. I think waxing is stupid--totally prepubescent.

9. I think your Facebook posts about your dinner with your boyfriend or all the laundry you have to do are so inane, they make me want to hit my head against the wall.

10. If I counted, I probably check out girls more during a day than boys.

11. For about 14 hours last April, I considered selling my eggs to get money for my student loans.

12. I like sardines.

13. I want to have marriage pacts (like, vowing to get married to someone if at a certain age, you are both single) with a few people, you know, just in case. I really want to ask my ex-boyfriend from college, but I'm too afraid of his rejection all over again.

14. I'm a lush. Too much booze, sun, fashion, and food.

15. I'm a jealous person. I'm not interested in your success. 

16. I love Friends. I'm like 40% Chandler, 40% Monica, and 10% Phoebe. And like 10% Smelly Cat.

17. If you're not using Gmail, don't talk to me. Literally, how can we flirt if you're not on Gchat?

18. I'll admit I'm wrong if it means I get to have you back.

19. I like my big nose.

20. I love relentlessly and am surprised when it isn't reciprocated.

21. I think Chicago is cooler than San Francisco and LA but not as cool as New York.

22. I still pick my nose. Often in public.

23. More often than not, I'm in the past or the future. The present is a scary place, and when you won't join me in it, I get anxious.